11 Weird Ways A Narcissist Will Act When They Find A New Supply

Disclaimer: Transcripts were generated automatically and may contain inaccuracies and errors.

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so what happens when a narcissist finds new supplies well are they going to move
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on or are you still on the hook I’m going to tell you all about it in this
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video what exactly is new Supply by the way in simple terms it’s a new source of
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admiration new source of attention new source of validation something they can feed off of Supply is their food it’s
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their lifeblood it’s their oxygen they’re constantly seeking out something
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that they can you know like that o it’s like that good back scratch or whatever it is something for their fragile egos
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maintain their sense of superiority what happens when they latch on to something
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new like that well let’s break it down number one it’s that initial discard
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phase when a narcissist finds new Supply they often discard their current partner
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if it’s a good source of supply and this can be sudden it could be brutal and it can leave you feeling blindsided like
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what is going on like can they can feel abandoned and they might start ignoring
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you devaluing you or even poof ghosting you entirely wait a minute what happened
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over here like for example if you’re in a relationship it could be even for years and I’ve seen this happen and
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suddenly The Narcissist start spending all this time with a a new friend it
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could be a colleague maybe it’s some high school person that they met at a reunion or whatever and all of a sudden
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boom you’re gone you are out of the picture you’re just dropped like a lead
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balloon and you can feel confused you can feel hurt another example is that
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maybe they just start slowly disengaging like they found somebody on social media they connected with them they just
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started this person started liking all their post or I now you you’re just so good-looking or whatever it is and they
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just start like engaging with this person and now you’re just old hat you’re just old whatever and now they’re
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just on to this new person who thinks that they’re like all hot stuff and so now they’re they’re barely acknowledging
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you and the shift in attention is on to this other person could be an emotional
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thing right where they’re engaging emotionally with this new person online and you just start feeling like you’re
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the invisible one another way that it shows up is you find out that the person
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just moved out you come home and the person’s just gone I’ve seen that happen before too you didn’t even know that
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there was going to be something happening like maybe you knew that the relationship was not good but you didn’t
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know that they were just going to be gone it’s crazy how they just do this if you guys have seen any of these things
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let me know in the comments just put I’ve seen it or I’ve had it happen to me
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um let me know the next way that it shows up maybe is triangulation so they
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love to create what I call drama trauma and Chaos I always say I take people
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from drama trauma and chaos to a life of Freedom possibility and purpose and my
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sleigh programs and all the things that I do but one they thing they do is they
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do drama traa and Chaos they stir that stew and one way they do that is through
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triangulation they hit you against the new Supply like oh this person’s giving me all this attention this person’s
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giving me all this approval this person likes me this person is giving me what you’re not giving me why can’t you be
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more like so and so they’s so much more fun they’re fit this person works out
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this person likes to do you know all the things that you’re not doing whatever it is or this person is so much more
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successful they’re into all these things you know all the things that you’re not into and it’s a manipulative tactic to
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make you feel insecure to make you feel jealous another example might be in a
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workplace setting where a boss maybe a narcissistic boss might constantly
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compare you to a new colleague praising them for another person to for having
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all the qualities that you lack all these things designed to keep you on
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edge trying to gain their approval but it just really made you feeling like really inadequate right in a family
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scenario it might be looking like a parent favoring one particular sibling
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over another saying like oh look how well your sister’s doing and just trying to create this sense of competition and
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trying to make you feel inferior and it just ends up eroding your self-esteem and causing rivalry between you and your
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family member triangulation is a very very toxic tool what they do is they end
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up like trying to make you feel excluded and they just trying to make you feel ignored and trying to make you feel
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inferior they think that you’re going to be trying to strive for their approval and maybe it does but you know just
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causes this massive amount of consternation and anxiety in you and even depression this is horrible joined
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my free private Facebook group narcissist negotiators with Rebecca zong get my free phrases for disarm
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narcissist of disarm the.com it will help you to you know just have some phrases to get respect
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for yourself and um have something to say it’s always nice to have some scripts and things to say like at the
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ready as well right the next tactic is you know what happens when a narcissist
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finds new supplies hoovering all right so they might come back I so just when you think that you’re like finally
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healed you’re moving on they suck you back in because they see see that you’re finally moving on they see that you’re
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finally like getting back past it and then here they come here they come creeping back in with a DM or like
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showing up somewhere uh oh here they are they reach out with sweet messages
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apologies even gifts they lure you they lure you back into that cycle that
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toxicity weeks after sometimes here they come with this heartfelt apology or oh I
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made a mistake or you know I want you back or whatever it can be very very tempting they can be very very
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convincing you have to really remember that everything they’re doing is a manipulation and not fall for it because
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even though you get these nostalgic reminders like remember the good times you had or unexpected Gifts
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of sentimental value it’s just all designed to question your decision and
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pull you back into that sphere of ch crazy making and sometimes they’ll like
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fabricate like a crisis that’s going on in their life or they need your urgent
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help or something and they play on your empathy and your desire for they you’re
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the only one that can help and they might use like flying monkeys to like oh can you they’ll send messages do that or
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they regret what happened or maybe you should give them another chance and it’s it can be incredibly seductive okay it
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plays on your emotions and the positive memories but it is so crucial that you
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recognize that it is a tactic to regain control you cannot fall for it all right
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so the next thing is a smear campaign so if you refuse to be hoovered back the
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narcissists will then maybe launch into some smear campaign against you they’ll spread lies and rumors to damage your
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reputation because you know they’re like afraid that you’re going to do it so they want to make sure they get like that preemptive strike in and you know
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make themselves look like the victim right so they might tell like mutual friends uh that you’re the one who was
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abusive or you’re the one that was unfaithful and you know they try to turn people against you and isolate you
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further in a professional setting they might go to your superiors or HR with
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fabricated complaints about your performance or behavior attempting to undermine your career in credibility and
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they might try to spread rumors within your community or Social Circle saying things like I tried so hard to make it
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work but they were just too difficult to deal with they try to cast themselves as like this martyr and you’re definitely
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the villain and a smear campaign can be incredibly isolating incredibly damaging
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it’s designed to discredit you and make it harder for you to build a support
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system but remember the truth truth will always Prevail and it’s important to stay strong and maintain your
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credibility navigating these tactics can be incredibly challenging but the first
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step is to reclaim your power remember it’s not about you it’s about their
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insatiable need for validation so stay strong and focus on your own healing and
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growth why does it seem like narcissists love you one minute and then hate you the next okay I’m going to tell you one
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thing they don’t ever really love you period I mean they just feed off of you
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they feed off of your energy they feed off of your
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supply because that’s what they’re going for right from the beginning so let me
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explain something to you about how narcissists are okay so a
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narcissist is a person who has
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absolutely no sense of self picture a person who’s literally almost like
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they’re starving they have no oxygen it’s like
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they can’t breathe or they have like a black hole inside of them and so they’re
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constantly trying to breathe or get food so they can’t really see you because
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they’re constantly trying to survive and they want you to fill this
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black hole and you might want to fill it too and so you’re trying to fill this
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black hole but they can’t really receive and so you’re left feeling
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depleted they’re still starving this is like this vicious cycle that’s happening
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all the time and they cannot be healed and this is what’s happening
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constantly and so they can’t see you or feel anything about you because they’re
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just in this scarcity mode all the time and they feed off of this narcissistic
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Supply it’s this external source of of Supply I mean it’s not like they don’t
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actually have value but they don’t feel like they have any value so they’re
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trying to get this external source of Supply from you so they’re attaching
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themselves to you to try to get this source of Supply from you and how do
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they feed off of that they feed off of this drama they want to try to trigger
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you through this manipulation and they feed off of your empathy they can’t actually love you but
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they they they want you to love them and they want you to pay attention to
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them they attach themselves to you you they want you to give them this
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agulation and they feed off of drama okay so they’re take take take take take
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take take take take take and they’re they’re incapable of seeing this adverse
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effect on your emotions by the way I mean everything is manipulation
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and so they get you to pay attention to them and care about them and then they
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ghost you and then you’re upset about it but then you know they get you to beg
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they feed off of this High emotion and this constant up and down and this
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constant drama they enjoy this this drama of this up and down and up and
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down if it was just even all the time there would be no Supply to be had the
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supply comes from the up and the down there would be nothing to be had if it
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was just you know how was your day blah blah blah and they don’t believe in a
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two-way street I mean they can’t give to you so how they’re getting the supply is
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by you know they pay attention enough to you to get you to give back
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this agulation they’ll give enough to you so that you can start paying
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attention to them so that you’re begging them to stay showing them how much you
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you love them please don’t leave me all of that sort of thing because they want
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you to be in this constant place of
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control when you’re proving to them that they still have control over you so by
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back and forth by building you up and then pushing you away and then you
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begging them they show that they still have control over you and that’s why
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they do this back and forth well adjusted healthy people don’t feed off
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of this Con an drama to demonstrate that they still have control over you and by
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the way by doing this back and forth thing that’s how you become addicted to
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them that’s how they mess with your emotions the dopamine levels in your
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brain become addicted to needing that hit from them by the way
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there’s a study by Robert spolski that shows that you need that hit from
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them too just that anticipation of are you going to get
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back and forth from from them as well are you going to get the ulation back from them and so you know you become
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trauma bonded to them you know it’s a very very unhealthy unhealthy Dynamic
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and by the way I have a whole video on this is what emotional abuse looks like and I would definitely check out my
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video on this is what emotional abuse looks like because it is very very much
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emotional abuse what they are inflicting on you you definitely want to check that
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out you definitely want to also check out my video on self-care when you are
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in narcissistic relationships because you need to take care of yourself and I
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will also make sure that there are links to other resources such as the domestic
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violence hotline and we also have a partnership with better help online
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therapy which you know for for those of you who need access to more support more
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therapy please make sure that you get the help that you need for therapy as
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well I mean please don’t sit out there and and not get the help that you need for that as well because you know
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narcissists are Master manipulators they don’t actually really love you everything is a
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manipulation and if you agree with me put agree in the comments below because
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you know that this is the case and this is why it’s best to not just walk away
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from these relationships but to actually run away from these relationships I mean
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they don’t have the ability to feel anything about you they
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don’t have the ability it’s like if somebody has a tooth you know all they can think about is
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their toothache they can’t feel anything about what’s going on outside of their own toothache because they can only feel
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their own pain and that’s what really what’s going on with them it cannot be
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healed they can only take care of themselves so you need to take care of yourself as well because remember
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narcissists get they get supply from making your life miserable and and the
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one thing that I really want people to understand is that there is a hierarchy
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of supply for narcissists there’s like this diamond level Supply which they will they will hold on to and protect at
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any cost which is how they look their reputation um they um place in the
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community uh you know especially in front of people that they respect which they certainly respect judges and
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attorneys and other people involved in the process they want the the parenting
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plan coordinator to you know think that they’re wonderful or the guardian at lium or the custody evaluator whoever is
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involved and so they’ll protect their reputation and how they look at any cost
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and that’s really like the level of supply for them and then there’s the
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what I call the coal level of supply and the coal level of Supply is like the the
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supply that gives them energy it burns and but and they love it of course they
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want to keep all areas of Supply that they can all all lines of of it but the
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supply that they get from jerking you around making you miserable dragging out the case uh making you squirm making you
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feel intimidated all those kinds of things is what I call Coal level Supply
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so the key in creating leverage in any negotiation is going to be
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threatening that diamond level Supply in a way where they really feel like this
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is going to happen but not actually doing it that’s that’s like the the the the key if you can if you can manage it
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is is be ready to go through with it but not actually have to because they’ll let
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go of your the coal level Supply which is the making you miserable part in
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order to grasp on and hold on to that d di level of supply and that’s what I teach you how to do you’ve got to create
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that strategy you’ve got to create that leverage otherwise you will be let around by the nose because making you
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miserable is what they actually want out of the negotiation they don’t want
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anything else they don’t want um they just want that Supply they get supply from making you miserable all right so
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there are a number of things that narcissists definitely want but really
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It All Leads back to One path and that is the almighty the Almighty which is
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narcissistic Supply there is a hierarchy to narcissistic Supply however that I
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have figured out and that is that they want this what I call sort of a diamond
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level Supply or grade a level Supply or tier one if you will and that is how
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they look and how they look it can be t to a number of different things it can
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be the big houses the prestigious friends you know the Great Cars the
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impressive job the big bank account that sort of thing it but it’s all going to
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be tied up in how they look and then there’s what I call tier two the coal
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level if you’re looking at Diamond level there’s the coal level it’s the less so it’s also very very important to them
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but it’s kind of of you know it’s like the flip side it’s it’s the side they don’t necessarily show people you know
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it’s like why I know that they know how to behave but it’s something that they
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also love and don’t so easily give up but it’s devaluing people debasing
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people treating people poorly manipulating people triggering people getting under people’s skin using their
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sense of control to try to make themselves feel Superior to others it’s
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to build up their ego by making them feel like they are better than others
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and it’s not the external it’s not how they look to the world but more how they
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look in their eyes to other people and so the external
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agulation is what they want more than absolutely anything now what they want
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more than anything is that agulation and so what they want more than anything is
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to have full control over you full control full agulation
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full dominion over you and that’s what they’re going for in the
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relationship is that full full dominion over you at all times now obviously you
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don’t want to give in to that during the relationship because once you do that
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they actually kind of start hating at that point and you do want to check out
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my video on why the narcissist hates you definitely check out my video on that
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they do start to hate you at that point they don’t they don’t really want that
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they they actually feed on the drama of the back and forth of the whole thing I
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mean they they kind of want you to go back and forth and have this whole drama
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and I do have a whole video by the way on why the narcissist loves you and hates you and you should check out that
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video as well that’s why they have these cycles of the relationship the love the
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devaluing and the discarding and and then they go back and forth back to the love buming and then devaluing and the
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discard you can check out my videos on on that as well because they don’t
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really necessarily want that and by the way the only type of person that they
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actually respect is somebody who’s going to kind of stand up to them I have a video on that also and that’s why you
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have to have B boundaries so I want you to write that in the comments right now boundaries because as soon as you start
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establishing boundaries that’s when you’re going to start to push back that’s when you’re
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going to start to negotiate with them that’s when you’re going to start to
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shift the dynamic and that’s part of my slay methodology that’s when you’re going to start to take your power back
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and they will actually start to fear you and that is what I always say the not so
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secret secret is the narcissist is actually way more afraid of you than you are of them there’s no doubt about it so
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you’re not going to give in completely where they have full complete dominion
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over you in the relationship because that’s what they really want they want
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full dominion over you that’s what they really really want because you lose your
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self-respect respect you lose your freedom you lose who you are and I can’t
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tell you how many people have come into my office and said I don’t even know who
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I am anymore I’ve lost who I am and people who still know who they are in a
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professional sense who have are very very highly respected individuals in
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their professions and in their careers and I may be talking to you but on a
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person Al level they don’t know who they are anymore because they’ve completely
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lost themselves in the relationship because they’ve lost themselves to this
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person and if that’s you by the way and you you need a therapist would you have a partnership with betterhelp.com
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Rebecca zung and you know we do receive sponsorship with them it’s there’s no
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additional cost to you but get the support that you need or you have your own therapist and that’s great too but
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we only partner with people that we trust so I wanted to mention that if if
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you don’t have your own therapist but going back to this what they want and I
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mentioned this because when you go to negotiate with them a lot of times you
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you’re in this fog and how you start to find your place of power is putting down
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those boundaries and starting to walk forward and not backward how you start to do that is
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starting to even just recognize what’s happening and by getting education like
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this and recognizing what’s happening starting to put those boundaries in place starting to shut down what’s going
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on and realizing that you don’t have to live this way any longer because you
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sure as heck don’t now are you dealing with a narciss nist and they’ve actually discarded you or you’ve discarded them
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and they’re still completely obsessed with you and you want to know why in the
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heck that is before I can give you the exact why I think it’s really important
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that you understand the psyche of a narcissist so a narcissist has no inner
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sense of value they have to derive all of their value for from the external so
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they’re constantly grasping on to whatever they can to get that source of
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of Supply what we call narcissistic Supply a narcissistic Supply is anything
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that feeds a narcissist’s ego anything that feeds their ego it could be bad it
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could be good it could be neutral but as long as it’s feeding their ego then they’re grasping onto it it’s seriously
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like a predator with its prey like they need to have that food they’re going to
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grasp onto it wherever it is and they’re going to hurt people anybody who’s going
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to um threaten that Source okay so just think of it like a really super
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hungry uh animal that’s out in the wild and they finally see a food source and
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they’re going to grasp on to that and if somebody comes along and tries to threaten that Source they’re going to
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reach out and and try to kill them or hurt them in some way because they have to have that that food and that’s what’s
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going on with the narcissist they live on it they feed on it it’s their food it’s their
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oxygen and and it can come in the form of many different versions I mean the
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whole fact that they have no boundaries and that they beef up their you know Egos and and by saying how great they
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are and all of that that’s all a form of narcissism but remember we all on some
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level want to feel seen heard and know that we matter so it’s a
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Continuum I mean all human beings have to feel some sort of value and we all
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want to have other people notice our value as well that’s just part of Being
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Human what differentiates a narcissist from everybody else wanting to know that
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they value that they’re valued is that they have no sense of feeling or empathy
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or care or love for another human being they just can’t do it because they feel
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that if they do it takes away from them and that means you’re taking away that
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food source that oxygen source their their lifeblood really and they don’t
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see they don’t understand it they certainly have never processed it it’s totally
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subconscious but that’s what’s going on and so they attach themselves to people
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just the same as like pods do or leeches do like because they need to attach
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themselves to people for food source they never attach themselves to people
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in order to give to them in some way it just doesn’t even they don’t process the
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world that way it’s only what can this person or this situation do for me and
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so when you’re dealing with a narcissist you’re you’ve been dealing with three
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different phases of the relationship which are the love bomb devalue and discard and if you want more information
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about those three phases of the relationship definitely check out my videos on love bomb Dev value and
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discard during these three phases of the relationship they can be love bombing
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you while they’re devaluing you and love bombing while they’re discarding they
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really go back and forth between the phases and yes it starts with love bomb and it ends with discard but
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everything’s happening sort of all at once in that middle uh stage I had um
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one of you guys actually commented on my videos it’s like it’s love bomb in the beginning uh discard at the end and
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toxic stew in between and that was a really great way of putting it so you know while you’re in the middle of the
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discard phase you’re still going to be getting love bombed and getting back going back and forth um between love
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bomb and discard which is sometimes called hoovering because that Supply source is
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being threatened and they don’t want that Supply source to go away so even if
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they don’t want you anymore and they’re telling you I don’t want you anymore and and they’re rejecting you and they’re
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telling you that you’re a piece of crap and that you’re a speck of dust on the planet and nothing matters about you
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well they obviously must think that there’s still some amount of Supply they can get out of you if they’re still
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coming back to try to get more and trying to squeeze more out of you
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so that’s what’s actually happening and why they’re still obsessed with you so
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if they feel like there’s some way that they can still control you or if they if
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if you can they can upset you or jerk you around in some way or get you all
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riled up about something then that they get supply from that so they’re going to come back and do that even if they like
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block you on something well they do that because they want to get a rise out of you they want to they want you to go oh
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my God why did you block me or go back to other people and say why did this person block me and oh they found out
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now that you’re upset about that so the best thing that you can do to get them
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to stop being so obsessed with you is to just completely go no contact with them
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and not give them any attention or any information whatsoever and just react to
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them like by by just blocking them yourself and moving on and acting as if
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they just never existed in your life literally like you’re wiping out that part of your CPU like that person never
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existed in your life that’s the only way that they will finally and eventually stop being obsessed with you because
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they’ll finally have to move on and find a different s of Supply they can’t be rehabilitated it’s not like they’re
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going to change they’re going to come back in the form of you know drunk text
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texting you or um saying that they’re sorry or you know Hoover you in some way
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by saying you know why aren’t you responding to me and try to get you sucked back into their weird Vortex of
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craziness but you you you can’t take that bait because if you do that then
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that obsession with you will continue to just go on and on and on and on and on
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if you are so ready to get that narcissist out of your life and say goodbye forever give me a narc be gone
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in the comments so to summarize the reason why the narcissist is still so
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obsessed over you is because they still think that there’s some shred of Supply
34:22
that they can get out of you whether it’s upsetting you jerking you around devaluing you degrading you getting you
34:29
to pay attention to them in some way controlling you in some way whatever
34:34
that is that’s why they’re still obsessed with you there’s some version
34:39
of Supply that they still think that they can get from you and until there’s
34:45
no more Supply to be gotten from you they’re going to continue to be obsessed with you even if it seems like they’ve
34:51
moved on to their new Supply if they can still get supply from the new one and
34:57
the old one even better for them because remember they need an endless amount it’s like this black hole that can never
35:03
be fed right it can never be sa satiated so as long as they still think there’s
35:10
some kind of Supply they can get out of you they’re going to continue to be obsessed over you why won’t the
35:18
narcissist ever forget you so the narcissist doesn’t forget you because
35:24
the narcissist was probably getting some massive amount of Supply from you what
35:30
does that mean that means that they were getting something that
35:35
feeds their ego so a narcissist is a person who has no
35:43
internal sense of value so that means that they’re kind of like desperate
35:49
people desperate for survival desperate for air almost you know like they are
35:58
starving picture a person who’s like starving gasping for breath it’s like
36:04
scarcity to the utmost extreme they have no inner sense of value so it’s like
36:11
they have this black hole inside of them all the time and so they’re trying to
36:18
feed this inner Beast all the time and so because of that they they can’t feel
36:25
you they can’t feel any anything about you and they want you to fill this black
36:32
hole and you might want to fill it too and so you’re over there trying to fill this thing and but they can’t receive
36:41
and so you’re left feeling depleted and they’re still starving and it’s like
36:46
that all the time but yet they can’t be
36:52
fixed and so it’s this horrible horrible cycle of viciousness but you were
37:00
probably giving them something like the shortterm fix and you probably were
37:06
giving them some really really good source of this Supply this narcissistic
37:12
Supply and if you were giving them a really good source of narcissistic
37:17
Supply and then walked away from them then they are having a hard time
37:23
forgetting about that so that’s probably one thing and that that fuel that
37:28
narcissistic Supply fuel is like their food their lifeblood their oxygen and if
37:36
you walked away from them they aren’t going to easily forget about that all
37:41
right so that’s number one number two if you were a main source of Supply even if
37:47
they by the way cut you off and then decided they wanted you back and then
37:54
you said no that’s kind of the same thing like they went back and kind of hoovered you like oh I decided I want
38:02
you back now and then you said no then that’s the same thing especially if you
38:07
were a main source of Supply like you were giving them something really good like agulation or you know good sex or money
38:16
or power a sense of power those are all really really good main sources of
38:23
supply for them and so they go back and they try to get that back then they’re going to have a hard time
38:30
forgetting about you believe me they will remember everything about you every
38:36
detail every little thing and they’re they’re going to try to find ways to get
38:42
you messages even if you are ignoring
38:48
their messages you’re ignoring the direct messages or whatever they will
38:54
put a link about you in their Instagram
38:59
bio or they will create a Spotify playlist that’s like a a message to you
39:08
about your relationship you know they’ll figure out a way to let you know that
39:15
they are thinking about you so those are ways that they’ll let you know that they
39:21
haven’t forgotten you and they will use number three the information
39:28
that they have about you to manipulate you and control you so they might say
39:37
things like how is your family or how’s your mom I heard that your mom is sick
39:45
or I heard that your brother is graduating or I heard something about
39:51
your dog or something like that you know they’ll let you know that they’re still
39:56
watching you or that they heard from a friend about something about you or
40:02
they’ll tell a friend to get a message to you or they might even send something
40:09
to you you know just to let you know that there’re still around that they are
40:15
still thinking of you that they’re still in the air just to manipulate you or
40:23
control you or they might even drop a little message to to let you know oh I
40:29
was sick or something like that or oh sorry that wasn’t meant for you that was
40:34
meant for somebody else I’m fine I’m fine you know just to kind of play on
40:39
your sympathies what’s going on oh no I’m fine I’m fine you know I’m not your
40:45
problem anymore you you know something like that just to mess with you try to
40:51
play the victim things like that manipulate you control you something to
40:56
that effect number four is they will keep track of your every move and use it
41:05
against you later oh I saw that you went to this party I understand that you were
41:14
driving around over here I understand that you saw this person what were you
41:20
doing there how come you were talking to this person I thought that you were
41:27
having a hard time getting over our relationship how come you moved on so quickly I saw on social media that you
41:36
were dating now how nice for you you know things like that they they’re
41:42
watching you tracking you seeing what you’re up to oh I understand that you started a new job they’re watching every
41:50
move okay congratulations on your new promotion things like that they know how
41:56
to put push your buttons and exploit your weaknesses and they might even continue
42:03
to harass you they might even drive by your house they might continue to stalk
42:10
you I know I’ve seen narcissists who would sign up for magazine subscriptions
42:18
for people you know all of a sudden magazines would start showing up at their house that they knew that they
42:25
hadn’t signed up for you know even explicit ones or bouquet of things or
42:31
things would show up at at their house sometimes it could border on stocking by the way so I would definitely check out
42:38
my video on called This is em what emotional abuse looks like if you do
42:43
think that you are a victim of domestic violence I will make sure that we have a link to that below here as well and I do
42:52
have videos on what it means to go gray rock and and 10 tactics that narcissists
42:59
use to train you to comply I would definitely check out all of those things
43:06
definitely go gray rock for sure and I want you to put that in the comments
43:11
gray rock because the more you continue to give them
43:17
Supply the more they will continue to come around you know just go gray rock
43:22
which means you know you’re like a gray rock not giving them Supply that is what I I want to tell you the more you can
43:29
cut off Supply to them the more they
43:34
will stop coming around you know the less you will see of them because as
43:40
long as they are getting Supply from you they will keep coming around it it’s
43:45
really that easy they are literally that like simple as far as being that much of
43:53
a single-minded cellular being so just go gray rock put that in the
44:01
comments right now to remind yourself that that’s what you need to do because
44:06
if they are not getting any Supply from you then they will have to go get it from somewhere else that is what they
44:13
feed on that is their food that is their fuel that is their lifeblood that is their oxygen so if they’re not going to
44:21
get it from you then that is how they will end up for getting you and if they
44:27
haven’t forgotten you it is because somehow they’re still getting some kind
44:33
of Supply from you so okay so narcissistic Supply I I’ve seen a lot of
44:39
people ask this question like what is supply exactly you hear this word thrown around what Supply actually is is what
44:48
drives the narcissist which is anything that feeds their ego so narcissistic
44:55
Supply can be what you normally think of what feeds people’s egos like having a
45:01
big house or having lots of money or a prestigious job or the right wife or
45:10
husband or living in the right community and all of those things that make you
45:15
feel more important you know than other people those are all external sources of
45:23
Supply but the other way that they get supply is through what I call devaluing
45:28
debasing judging um degrading people controlling
45:33
people intimidation tactics gaslighting all those sorts of things are also a way
45:40
that narcissists get supply so understand that the narcissist is a very fragile broken
45:48
person inside and everything they do is to cover up the fact that there’s this teeny little thing inside that decided
45:57
long ago long before you ever came into the picture when they were maybe five six seven years old that the world is
46:04
not a great place they can’t trust the world it was either because they
46:09
experienced some sort of trauma it may have been that they were neglected in some way abused in some way um I’ve even
46:18
read things that overindulge children become can become narcissists as well
46:24
but the bottom line is that they end up with no sense of inner value so they
46:31
believe that they only get value from the external world and that they have to
46:37
manipulate it they have to lie about it they have to manipulate it and that
46:42
nobody cares about them and so they don’t really care about anybody else and
46:48
in fact if you try to care about them they eventually end up punishing you because there must be something wrong
46:54
with you for caring about them because they they have no inner sense of value
47:00
they have a very very fragile sense of self so in a divorce situation you will
47:07
see that injury it you’re you’re you’re you’re far into the discard phase and if you
47:13
haven’t seen my videos on the three stages of a narcissistic relationship I
47:19
highly recommend you go back and watch those so it’s love bombing devaluing and discarding and I have three different
47:25
videos on each of those um sections of their relationship but they all
47:30
interplay all the time they can be love bombing as they’re devaluing or love bombing as they’re discarding or even as
47:36
you’re discarding so they go back and forth between these phases but what happens during the discard phase is you
47:44
start to see the birth of the smear campaign and that’s when you start to see them lining up their flying monkeys
47:50
and they have the triangulation and all that stuff is going on and I did my narcissism 101 last week was on flying
47:57
monkeys so if you want to know more about them go check out that video as well but basically when you are dealing
48:05
with them in a divorce they are in fullon attack mode because when you’re dealing with a narcissist you’re either
48:13
for them or against them so in a divorce situation you’re clearly against them so
48:18
they go on fullon attack mode and they start wanting to get you first and they
48:25
start doing all kinds of things to try to manipulate you and here’s the key when it comes to divorcing a narcissist
48:32
and dealing with Supply the thing is that they um you have to figure out if
48:40
you want to try to settle your case and I just did a coaching call with somebody on this this morning if you want to settle your case
48:47
then you need to figure out what form of Supply means more to them than the
48:53
supply that they get from jerking you around the problem is that you as a
48:58
reasonable person are trying to resolve a case or resolve differences or issues
49:04
like a normal person you think what can we do to get to a place of being done
49:12
with this case or how do we resolve this in a way that we each get something that’s fair or what does the law say or
49:19
something like that like you look at all of those things they don’t look at that
49:25
I mean they’ll tell you that they do but what it really comes down to is what are they getting out of this deal and if
49:32
if what they’re getting is not more important to them than the supply that
49:37
they get from jerking you around then they will continue to jerk you around it
49:42
for those of you out there who have been dealing with narcissists in a case for
49:48
years or even just dealing with them for years if they’re still in your life and they’re still jerking you around that
49:55
that means that they are still getting getting some amount of Supply they enjoy watching you squir them they enjoy
50:02
watching you get emotional they they they get off on that and they get supply
50:08
from that that’s their food that’s their oxygen that’s what they breathe that’s what they live on like without that they
50:15
feel like they have no sense of self that’s how they get their sense of self it’s totally screwed up but that’s the
50:23
truth that’s that’s what it is that’s what narcissistic Supply is so when you’re dealing with them in a divorce
50:30
situation or even a dissolution of a business relationship or even if you’re
50:36
dealing with a family member or a neighbor or somebody in your life who’s a
50:41
narcissist um you have to understand that they get supply from making your
50:48
life miserable so you have to figure out what Supply source is going to be more
50:55
important to to them to keep than the supply source that they get from making
51:01
you miserable now let’s talk about the six things that narcissists do when you try to go no contact which I highly
51:09
recommend that you do and I’ve had to do it myself with a couple of narcissists it’s never fun it’s never great they uh
51:17
try to make it almost impossible they try to make it so that you really don’t want to have to do that but you
51:23
definitely do have to do that because they will eventually take over your soul like literally I describe it as like
51:29
pods I know there was some movie like you know I don’t know if it was in the 60s or something like a long time ago
51:36
where like these pods like came and sat down next to people and like took all of
51:41
their like information and like basically took over their bodies and that’s how I feel about nurses is like
51:48
they’re these gods that just come into your life and steal you um and you end up feeling like you you you’re like
51:55
being choked to death or like I don’t know my situation um where I talked a
52:01
lot about this by the way in a couple of recent videos one was my toxic relationships and the other one was I
52:07
don’t normally share this my own story of bullying but like in my situation I felt like one of the narcissists was
52:14
literally trying to like become me like like stand in my shoes and be me and but
52:22
also like was devaluing me and doing things to me at the same time it was super weird weird and really awful um
52:30
and so that’s kind of how you start to feel right and so you have to go no contact in order to like I it’s like not
52:38
too dramatic I don’t think to say like save your soul like that’s how I felt so
52:45
but you do want to know what’s going to happen when you go to do that right so um let’s talk about that now so the
52:52
first thing is that they’re going to maybe try to start going back to what worked for them before because remember
52:59
there’s those three different ways of that they you know that they interact in relationships there’s the three
53:05
different phases which is love bombing devaluing and discarding and by the way I have videos on each one of those if
53:12
you want to go check them out but they start off with love bombing or that idealization phase where they show up
53:19
whether it’s you know it’s not always a romantic it can be a business situation which it was for me um and they show up
53:27
in your space and they seem like they’re absolutely perfect and then they start to devalue you and then you know there’s
53:33
the discard phase but they kind of go back and forth between the phases so they’re going to go back to what worked
53:40
before you know oh you know we can always work this out we’ve always been
53:45
so good together we’ve always been able to do things you know why do you need to be so rigid why do you need to be so
53:52
difficult um you know try to like get you to be Charmed by them again you know whatever
53:59
that worked before to charm them they’ll go back to that and sometimes it’s
54:04
called hoovering where they’re basically coming back and saying oh you know maybe I
54:10
haven’t talked to you in a while and and and suddenly you get that ping in your in your inbox or in your DMs or whatever
54:18
and you’re like oh I haven’t talked to that person while what are they doing here um so you know they’re going to go
54:23
back to trying to charm you in some way so that’s number one the next thing is
54:30
that they may try to escalate their tactics like come on even stronger you
54:37
know like you barely feel like you can breathe sometimes with them like now all
54:42
the sudden they’re showing up your house they’re showing up at their at your office they happen to be talking to everybody that you know like you just
54:48
can’t get away from this person there they are they may call you incessantly they may text you incessantly uh they
54:55
may ES at their efforts on all the bad things that they’re doing manipulating
55:01
situations projection denial deflection um lying all the things that they
55:07
normally do but now on steroids um because remember with a narcissist you’re either for them or against them
55:13
there’s they’re very black and white you know so they may escalate their taxes
55:18
you see like them coming on much more strongly um and then the third thing
55:23
that they will likely do when you go contact is start that triangulation
55:29
which is kind of you know in the discard phase that’s when you start to see the birth of the smear Campa so they they’ll
55:35
they’ll escalate even the triangulation meaning that they’re lying up their they’re lining up their flying monkeys
55:41
they’re talking to people that you know they they want you to feel excluded they
55:48
want you to feel isolated they want you to be punished for going no contact with them so they
55:56
want you to think that they’re doing great and and you are making a huge
56:04
mistake by going no contact with them um that they’re going to have everybody in
56:09
your world against you and everyone’s going to line up for them and everyone’s going to think you’re the crazy one or
56:14
you’re the bad one or maybe you’re the narcissist and um and they’ll they try to divide you in that way so you know
56:23
isolate you manipulate situations triangulates that smear campaign so that’s like kind of all goes into number
56:30
three um as far as like triangulation smear campaign and um you know lining up
56:37
flying monkeys against you so that’s the third thing and if any of you have seen
56:43
this before I want you to tell me I’ve seen it in the comments below because
56:48
I’m sure you’ve totally seen this before um okay so now let’s talk about the
56:53
fourth thing so the fourth thing is that their narcissistic injury could
56:59
be triggered and so therefore that narcissistic rage comes flying out so
57:04
now they’re not just trying to Hoover you they’re not just pushing you more they’re not just triangulating they’re
57:09
not just escalating um now it’s like they’re in fullon Rage like you will do
57:15
what I want you will come back you know you will be punished and sometimes I
57:20
think they go into this rage State just so that you’re afraid just so that you
57:26
are punished not not just that they’re angry I mean I know that they’re angry too you know they’re like two-year-olds
57:33
and adult and an adult body so they’re literally having a tantrum now they’re
57:38
literally like super angry and sometimes during this phase that’s when they start
57:45
to actually become undone they start to make mistakes and and that’s when you
57:50
know you’re starting to close in on them and you know in a negotiation setting that’s when you know
57:56
that your tactics are actually starting to work and that’s when you are actually the most vulnerable to going oh my God I
58:03
don’t think I have the stomach for this but that’s when you got to keep going because narcissists are always the worst
58:10
right before they’re ready to give up and I do have a whole video on the undoing of a narcissist which I broke
58:17
down the show that Hugh Grant show that’s a really great example of a malignant narcissist who was like
58:24
continuing to do things but the more people figured out who he was the more mistakes he started to make and that
58:30
became his undoing so that leads me to number five which is the narcissistic
58:36
collapse which sometimes they do they completely collapse they just become undone they don’t know what to think
58:42
about their world because you know they do have a very fragile sense of self you
58:47
know for them the world is a place of survival that they have to survive and so sometimes they do collapse and that’s
58:55
number five and the last thing is that eventually eventually if you do it the
59:02
right way and you create the right strategy and you have the right leverage and you you figure out how to cut off
59:10
any source of Supply from you that means you’re not intimidated you’re not scared
59:16
your fear goes away all of that because now they just realize they’re not getting any Supply from you anymore at
59:23
all then you know they’re like vulture so like like there’s nothing left in this carcass over here so they will
59:30
eventually and this is number six go find narcissistic supplies somewhere
59:36
else because they have to have it it is what they feed on it’s their lifeblood it’s their
59:42
oxygen but you just want to make sure that you are no longer a source of that narcissistic supply for them So
59:49
eventually your no contact will absolutely work so what do narcissists
59:55
love to do they love to accuse you of things falsely why do they love to
1:00:01
accuse you of things falsely because they love to trigger you they love to get under your skin but let’s take that
1:00:09
a step even further okay so what has been going on in your relationship all
1:00:16
right so first of all you have probably been supplying them you’ve been giving
1:00:24
them narcissist Supply it started off where they love bombed you they love
1:00:31
bombed you they came on super strong were impossible to resist they were Charming they were
1:00:39
charismatic they seemed perfect at the beginning am I right okay now you
1:00:46
thought that they were amazing you thought they were wonderful maybe you thought they even loved you maybe you
1:00:52
thought that they were perfect you know all of these things now it it was all a manipulation I’m sorry I have to tell
1:00:58
you this it was all a manipulation it was all meant to get this form of Supply
1:01:04
from you now I have to tell you there are a couple of different kinds of
1:01:09
Supply what you’ve probably been giving them is like the best form of supply and
1:01:14
the best forms of supply for them are you know agulation service making them
1:01:20
look good really really stroking their ego at the top level
1:01:26
you know there’s these different phases of a narcissistic relationship there’s the love bombing and then you go into
1:01:32
the devaluing and then there’s the discarding and I have videos by the way on all the different phases of a
1:01:37
narcissistic relationship the love bombing the devaluing and the discarding definitely check out my videos on all of
1:01:44
those phases of a narcissistic relationship if you haven’t checked those out when you go to leave a
1:01:51
narcissistic relationship whether it’s you leaving or them leaving that that’s when you go into that discard phase
1:01:58
that’s when you see that smear campaign start that’s the birth of the smear
1:02:05
campaign by the way it can start even before you even realize that the discard
1:02:11
phase has started all right and I do have a whole video on how to shut down a
1:02:18
narcissist smear campaign you can check that out too but what’s happening is
1:02:24
during this discard phase is that you’ve become P Public Enemy Number One and
1:02:32
you’re no longer giving them the best form of Supply anymore so now they’re
1:02:40
going to want to continue to get supply from you but they’re just going to take it in the lower form of Supply which is
1:02:48
making you miserable making you squirm showing them that they can still have
1:02:54
control over you in some way and so how are they going to do that they’re going
1:03:01
to do these false allegations and so they’re going to start either through
1:03:07
the court system which is what I’ve seen as an attorney by the way over and over
1:03:14
and over again I mean they file this stuff either through the pleadings so
1:03:21
you’ll see it in the divorce pleadings well they’ll actually say these things
1:03:26
in the divorce petition they’ll say father was a you know molester I mean
1:03:34
I’ve seen that horrible horrible things like that or a wife beater or a child
1:03:40
beater or you know they will say you know the worst possible things you can
1:03:45
imagine where you think oh my gosh I never even touch them the worst possible
1:03:52
things or they will just even say things like they didn’t pay child
1:03:58
support they withheld money things like that or they spent lots of money they
1:04:04
spent lots of money on the people lies about things like that you will see those kinds of things in actual
1:04:11
documents that are filed with the court I think it’s important that we walk through the types of false allegations
1:04:17
that you will see then the other types of false allegations that you will see as well are people will see in in the
1:04:24
actual letters they go back and forth between the attorneys they’ll tell their attorney they didn’t feed the children
1:04:33
that the children ate Candy all weekend long or nothing all weekend long or
1:04:41
pizza or junk food all the entire time that they were with the dad or the mom
1:04:47
or that the whole time they were with the dad or the mom they were with a
1:04:53
babysitter or nobody all kinds of things isn’t it time that you take your life
1:04:59
back all right so what happens when you stop playing their mind games it’s well
1:05:05
I’ve seen it firsthand because I help people negotiate with narcissists and
1:05:10
I’ve helped people take their power back stop feeling afraid isn’t that what you
1:05:17
want yeah well so in order to get there you got to stop playing their mind games
1:05:24
so you know when stop playing their mind games they’re not happy about it because
1:05:30
remember how the whole thing got started they’re like looking to you to get that
1:05:37
narcissistic Supply right that’s what they why they attached themselves to you to begin with they’re like
1:05:43
leeches they attach themselves to you to suck that Supply out of you I mean
1:05:50
literally it’s like they attached and they came along to love bomb you and
1:05:57
they started conditioning you it’s so kind of predictable and sick in in a
1:06:03
certain way and whether it’s a business relationship or a personal relationship
1:06:10
it really doesn’t matter because I personally was in a business relationship with a narcissist and they
1:06:17
all start the same way in what they call love bombing stage it could be I you
1:06:23
know they call idealization love bombing it doesn’t matter but basically it starts off in this where they are super
1:06:32
Charming they’re very good at reading people they know how to be
1:06:38
absolutely amazing I mean they know how to be so
1:06:44
crazy wonderful and I’ve actually seen people say why can’t they just stay in the love
1:06:50
bombing stage right well because they don’t want to be in the love bombing stage that’s not where their sweet spot
1:06:56
is I mean they want to be in the take stage not in the give stage the love
1:07:02
bombing stage is just to start grooming you basically so that they can get to the
1:07:12
take stage as fast as possible you know I’ve seen this meme that goes around at
1:07:18
times that says you know nobody falls in love faster than a narcissist who needs a place to live I mean that’s kind of
1:07:25
where it is right I mean they they want to get to the spot where they can you
1:07:32
know get to you as fast as possible so basically they need that supply that
1:07:38
narcissistic Supply which is anything that feeds their ego anything that feeds
1:07:44
their need for agulation or money or
1:07:50
that need to control you it’s their food it’s their oxygen it’s their lifeblood
1:07:55
it’s it’s it’s anything that feeds their need to make them feel better in some
1:08:03
way because they have no sense of inner value so how can they feel some sense of
1:08:12
value that’s basically it and so they they condition you from the beginning
1:08:19
and what does that mean well how much can they get away with from the beginning when they’ve been love bombing
1:08:26
you for a while and they come on super strong super strong we need to move in
1:08:33
together right away we need to be business partners right away I can get you anything you want I I’m taking you to Fiji for the weekend I will’ll send
1:08:42
you 15,000 roses or we need to be business partners right away and I can
1:08:48
find you all the best clients and or whatever it is I mean it’s going to be
1:08:53
like it’ll swirl in your head and be unbelievable and your head will be spinning it’ll be so fast and then all
1:09:01
of a sudden here they are and and you’re like wow where has this person been all my life and then all of a sudden once
1:09:08
you’re in it and you you’re like okay yeah let’s do it all right and then all
1:09:13
of the sudden you’re sending them texts and then where are they gone and and
1:09:18
then it’s why are you so needy it’ll be like that for a while so then when you
1:09:24
decide you know I’m not playing your little game anymore I’m done with you I
1:09:30
I’m not playing your games I’m out of this relationship now I’m done and now
1:09:37
what’s going to happen is you are going to trigger something within them and
1:09:44
that narcissistic rage may come flying out or something’s going to happen
1:09:49
within because they’ve got this narcissistic injury that could potentially get triggered and so it’s
1:09:55
not going to be good so what’s going to happen is they’re allowed to treat you however they want but you’re not allowed
1:10:03
to do it back to them okay so now it’s
1:10:09
going to be either they’re going to flood your text messages like crazy show
1:10:15
up at your house or office you know go crazy on you or they’re going to try to
1:10:21
make you feel guilty as hell all I’ve done for you you after La make you feel
1:10:28
guilty I can’t believe you’re leaving the family or I can’t believe you’re leaving me like this can’t believe
1:10:34
you’re leaving me an alert to make you feel guilty for what you’re doing to them or they’re going to make something
1:10:43
your fault you did this or they’re going to get very angry
1:10:51
very hostile you’re going to start to see whoever this person was that tried to pretend you know especially if it’s a
1:10:57
covert narcissist and they tried to pretend like they were so lovely or so
1:11:03
nice or so this or that you’re going to start to see how rude and horrible they
1:11:09
can actually be they’re going to start to do awful things maybe they’ll try to
1:11:15
shame you or or really put you down and say things like awful things to you like
1:11:22
nobody else would have stayed with you or no one else will love you or no one
1:11:28
else likes you anyway or awful things to you they might do that they might try to
1:11:36
badmouth you to everybody else line up flying monkeys and tell people lies
1:11:42
about you they might do that I mean really no bar is too low sometimes cut
1:11:49
you off from things you know if it’s a divorce depending on how bad their
1:11:55
Scruples are they could use the court system as their sword file un
1:12:01
unnecessary motions harassing pleadings refuse to give up Discovery
1:12:08
ignore court orders use the children as pawns all those sorts of things as well
1:12:15
run up the attorney’s fees certainly seen all of that react with anger rage
1:12:22
violence sometimes this is why I develop the sleigh program by the way because
1:12:28
you need to have strategy you need to have leverage you need to be able to shut them down and if you agree with me
1:12:34
you need to put shut them down in the comments right now and you know you need
1:12:40
to have strategy you need to have leverage and if you want to learn how to more about how to shut down their smear
1:12:45
campaign you can definitely check out my video on that topic as well but you know
1:12:50
this is what happens when you stop playing their mind game sometimes I mean so you know they go a little bit nuts
1:12:57
though sometimes but you can shut them down you absolutely can
1:13:04
because they’re actually more afraid of you than you are of them they absolutely are and when they realize they’re not
1:13:10
going to get supply out of you anymore and they realize how you can expose them and all of that they will EAS on down
1:13:18
the road you just got to figure out how to do it I’ve seen narcissists actually be hurt I know you don’t think that they
1:13:24
can actually be hurt but they actually can and I’ve seen it happen and really
1:13:31
it comes down to this they don’t want to be exposed for one thing but I’m going
1:13:38
to boil it down to basically three things here for you okay so the bottom
1:13:44
line is they want to maintain control they want to maintain control all the way to the end and they’ll do whatever
1:13:50
they can to maintain control there’s these various levels and as you are sort
1:13:56
of slipping out of their hands they’ll do whatever they can to maintain control
1:14:02
so here’s what’s going on here you have been under their spell for a long period
1:14:10
of time and they started off with this love bombing and then they went into devaluing and then back to love bombing
1:14:16
devaluing back to love bombing and during that process they were sort of rooming you conditioning you and they
1:14:22
really thought that throughout that process that you would never really leave even if they left you that somehow
1:14:31
you’d still sort of be under their control and that’s why even throughout
1:14:37
the whole discard process they’re still trying to love bomb you in some way
1:14:43
the’re hoovering you and all that sort of thing so when you first go no contact
1:14:50
that will hurt them I mean when you first start throwing up those boundaries that will definitely hurt them when they
1:14:57
start to realize wo maybe things are shifting maybe things are different than
1:15:03
they used to be that’s definitely going to hurt them and they may not let on
1:15:08
right away they may posture they may start to act like bring it on they may
1:15:16
act like they’re not hurt I mean a lot of times they’ll say oh you know go
1:15:22
ahead try it they may say I don’t really care they may say I saw what you filed
1:15:30
or and that’s just a bunch of crap or whatever it is that they’re saying to
1:15:36
you it may seem like you’re not getting to them but I’m telling you when you go
1:15:43
no contact or you start throwing up those boundaries it’s definitely going to hurt whenever you’re cutting off a
1:15:50
supply Source it definitely hurts and let me tell you something else if you were
1:15:55
providing some sort of grade a level Supply source to them meaning
1:16:02
agulation compliments money sex you know some sort of Supply
1:16:08
source to them that they really really love the reason why they won’t let you
1:16:14
go during the discard phase whether it’s a divorce situation or a business
1:16:22
situation whether you’re walking away from them as a colleague a business partner
1:16:28
whatever it is they don’t want to let you go because they’re trading that
1:16:35
grade a diamond level source of supply for that lower level Supply Source now
1:16:43
and so they’re they’re they’re going to try to just manipulate you and make you squirm and make your life generally
1:16:49
miserable because they get supply from that now too so when you’re taking away
1:16:57
your supply that going no contact and taking your attention away from them it
1:17:04
definitely does hurt them so that’s number one and number two if you’re
1:17:09
walking away from them while they’re still love bombing you that really hurts
1:17:15
them so if they are in full on I think I
1:17:21
am really being charming and you’re really not falling for it anymore that
1:17:28
will really hurt them so if it’s a love bomb move or a Hoover move like they
1:17:36
think that they are in that mode where you always fell for it before and you’re
1:17:43
really not falling for it this time that will hurt them even more because that’s
1:17:51
their move that’s the one thing that you’ve always gone for you’ve gone no
1:17:56
contact but now they’re going back to The Well of what worked before or maybe
1:18:03
it’s a future fake maybe it’s come on things are going to be better you know
1:18:09
the past is the past look to the future I promise everything will be different
1:18:17
I’ll be the person that you always wanted I’ll do the therapy or whatever
1:18:23
it is you know if it’s business this I’ll start doing all the things that they always knew that they were supposed
1:18:29
to do and I remember when I was in a business relationship with this other
1:18:34
person who was a narcissist all of the sudden this person started doing all of those things and I remember just
1:18:41
thinking it was actually insulting because I remember thinking oh so you knew you were supposed to be doing those
1:18:47
things and now you’re going to do them uh no thank you now I just really want to be done with this but anyway walking
1:18:54
away from from them while they’re in that love bomb phase or while they’re in their charm phase is super hurtful for
1:19:02
them that will definitely hurt them and if by the way if you want to know more about what love bombing is you can
1:19:09
definitely check out my video on what love bombing is I have a like a
1:19:16
narcissism 101 series of videos there’s a whole series that you can check out
1:19:24
but narcissism 101 love bombing is one of those videos that you can check out
1:19:30
let me just tell you if they are doing that just keep walking I want you to put
1:19:35
that in the comments just remind yourself right now just keep walking put that in the comments right now just keep
1:19:41
walking last one last one is being the first to leave before they’ve lined up
1:19:49
new Supply because they they want to make sure that they’ve got new Supply
1:19:54
better Supply something to I’ll show you that I’ve got better Supply New Supply
1:20:01
something that kind of shows you that I want because they they want to be able
1:20:07
to have gotten something to fill that hole fill that gap which of course it is
1:20:15
that black hole that’s never filled but they they want to be able to show you
1:20:20
that they were able to do it show you that they’ve got something better show you that they’ve got something that will
1:20:26
beat you down you know because they get supply from being competitive and
1:20:32
devaluing you and all that sort of thing so that will hurt them too you know
1:20:38
you’ve moved on before they were able to do that before you were able to secure
1:20:44
that Supply because they did they weren’t able to control the situation they weren’t able to control the damage
1:20:50
they weren’t able to make the decisions and you know control their Kingdom and
1:20:56
they feel entitled to be able to do that so so if you were able to move on before
1:21:06
they were able to do that then that will bother them too you know they’re very
1:21:11
very insecure people so they weren’t able to get to it before you were so
1:21:17
those are the three things that I I think hurt the narcissists the most you know or exposing them in some way
1:21:23
because they feel exposed exposing their Diamond level Supply showing you know
1:21:29
who they truly are showing their true colors exposing them to the world for
1:21:35
who they truly are that hurts the narcissist clearly the most of all
1:21:41
things for sure why do I do this I do this because I have had to deal with
1:21:47
narcissist in my law practice but I’ve also had to deal with them in my real life and I know what it’s like I’ve had
1:21:55
to deal with them creating chaos in my own life yeah I had to deal with not just one but two covert
1:22:02
narcissists actually targeting me not as husbands but close enough to actually
1:22:09
cause real drama trauma and Chaos as I like to say drama trauma and chaos and I
1:22:16
have helped people create real Freedom possibility and purpose in their real lives so I’m on this Mission I’m on this
1:22:23
Crusade to help people actually save your lives and I understand why they
1:22:31
need to create chaos they do it in all aspects of your lives especially in
1:22:36
negotiations because with narcissist you’re either for them or against them and when you are against them they’ve
1:22:43
decided you are Public Enemy Number One they want to take you down why because
1:22:49
they want to take you down before you take them down it’s a black and white world with them they want to feel
1:22:55
powerful and how can they feel powerful well if they create
1:23:01
chaos then they can intimidate you they enjoy that power they
1:23:09
enjoy stirring things up they like to see you squirm they like to see you be
1:23:16
intimidated so they like to make that world chaotic because then they feel
1:23:22
like they’re controlling it they’re stirring the pot if they’ve made the
1:23:28
world chaotic then they’ve done that oh look what I’ve done I’m looking at the
1:23:33
people scurrying around that I’ve made Scurry they think they’ve done that it’s
1:23:38
like they’ve made the minions all Scurry around even if it’s only for a minute
1:23:44
right and they want to destroy anybody who is threatening their sense of power
1:23:51
or their sense of of selfworth so they enjoy creating this chaos
1:23:58
because it also distracts them from their own sense of insecurity their own
1:24:06
sense of problems with their own sense of selfworth and so it’s a coping mechanism
1:24:13
it helps them avoid their own sense of insecurities and shame they carry a deep
1:24:21
sense of Shame it’s the same reason them by the way that they always create chaos
1:24:28
around holidays and birthdays they don’t want people to not
1:24:34
be paying attention to them they want all the focus and attention on themselves and if you want to know more
1:24:41
all about why narcissists like to ruin holidays definitely check out my video
1:24:46
on why narcissists ruin holidays holidays are coming up soon so might as
1:24:52
well find out why go check it out check out my video on why narcissist ruin
1:24:58
holidays coming up and by the way if you guys have seen this definitely give me a
1:25:04
totally in the comments or give me your example of what you have seen on how the
1:25:12
narcissist has created chaos in your lives okay so the other way that
1:25:19
narcissists love to create chaos is through verbal abuse abuse through
1:25:25
physical violence and why do narcissists do anything that they do well they get
1:25:31
supply from it everything they do is to get this narcissistic Supply which is
1:25:38
anything that feeds their ego and remember what I said that there’s a hierarchy of
1:25:44
supply and there’s that diamond level Supply which is that Supply which is the
1:25:49
outer things the big house the money the pre PR prestigious job the prestigious
1:25:56
cars the prestigious friends things that they would be happy to tell people about
1:26:02
but then there’s what I call the dark underbelly of narcissistic Supply which is the I’m going to control you debase
1:26:10
you diminish you manipulate you and that is where that chaos comes from and
1:26:17
because they don’t have any care or concern or empathy for other people’s
1:26:25
feelings manipulating people and as if they’re game pieces on a board creating
1:26:31
chaos in their lives telling a piece of Gossip or saying something about
1:26:37
somebody that’s not true creating that chaos filing a motion in court that is
1:26:44
totally false whatever it doesn’t bother them because they’re
1:26:49
narcissists that creates chaos I don’t have any feeling about that that they
1:26:54
get supply from it feeds their ego they have now stirred the pot it feeds their
1:27:02
ego they get high from that and by the way they can they can get chaos also
1:27:08
they can create a a sense of chaos by false promises promising somebody
1:27:14
something and that person oh I’m excited I’m this is going to happen and then not
1:27:20
keeping that promise letting that person down they can’t keep the promise that
1:27:25
creates chaos in somebody’s life and they they get a high from that it’s really sick or sabotaging somebody’s
1:27:33
relationship and telling somebody something about them or showing up in a
1:27:40
situation getting attention showing up at an event that they shouldn’t be at to
1:27:48
get attention creates chaos they get something out of that showing up when
1:27:54
somebody is sick at the hospital and getting attention from that that also
1:28:00
can create chaos they love that it all
1:28:05
is for the one thing narcissistic Supply to get their ego fed that’s it because
1:28:15
that’s what they’re after it’s always what they’re after it’s all to feed their ego that’s why they need to create
1:28:22
their chaos they get a high from it and because they don’t have any sense of
1:28:27
care concern or empathy for others it’s not tied to their people’s feelings
1:28:34
unfortunately that’s how it goes they they don’t have any sense of guilt if you’re standing over there wondering how
1:28:40
can they do that to somebody don’t they wonder about the consequences don’t they feel anything for anybody don’t they
1:28:46
wonder about ruining somebody’s lives or no the answer is no and so stop doing
1:28:53
that exercise it’s not going to get you anywhere forget about it stop wondering
1:28:59
why or how they could or that for you is a big waste of time just accept they are
1:29:06
who they are you are not going to get closure you are not going to get them to
1:29:11
see the error of their ways all of those things are a waste of time for you you
1:29:17
are better off stopping focusing on that it the more you give it energy the more
1:29:25
it will multiply what you focus on you get more of so focus on something that
1:29:31
will actually bring you more of what you want let go of that Namaste and walk
1:29:38
away send them light move on that is the best advice that I can give you Shopify
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