Hey there, I’m Rebecca Zung, an attorney and a narcissist negotiation expert. I teach you how to shift the dynamic with narcissists so that you can become the more powerful one, finally break free, and live the life that you were meant to live. I’m going to talk about the only kind of relationship that will actually work for a narcissist. First of all, you have to understand narcissists in general to understand that they have no sense of inner value and are really an empty shell inside. Narcissists have no sense of self, and in order to survive, they feel like they are gasping for air in a scary and untrustworthy world. The only kind of relationship that will work for a narcissist is the one that caters to their needs, affirms their sense of superiority, and doesn’t challenge their self-absorbed world view.
Something happened to narcissists when they were children that made them feel like the world is a scary place, a place that is not to be trusted, and one that they have to survive. They feel like they’re almost gasping for air, like they’re starving or drowning in a swimming pool and can’t breathe. In order to survive, narcissists grasp onto things and nobody else can have it. If they give it all, then they won’t survive. This is a sad way to be, but empaths can’t save narcissists or love them back to health without being sucked in and drowning themselves, because narcissism is really a black hole. Narcissists need to be the center of attention, and everything revolves around them all the time, with others constantly giving while they take. After many years of this, empaths realize that they feel drained and like the life has been drained out of them. Narcissists are highly sensitive and easily slighted.
Narcissists hear tones like dogs hear whistles, so you have to be really careful about how you say things. Sometimes, you might say something innocuous, and they will misinterpret it as having a tone or being sarcastic. Narcissists don’t like being told what to do, but they expect others to follow their orders. They may ghost you at times, but if you’re not immediately available, they will blow up your phone, show up at your house or office and demand to know where you were and why you didn’t respond right away.
So, it’s a very one-sided type of relationship in that sense. They have to have full access to everything that you’re doing. You don’t necessarily have that with them. They definitely don’t want you to ever catch on to who they actually are because that could be really, really damaging. They definitely don’t want a relationship where their partner is more successful than them or is more the center of attention than they are because they will devalue the other partner, they’ll put the other partner down, if their partner is more popular than them, they certainly won’t like that. That’s never going to work out for them. They’ll be jealous of that. So, there’s that. I often say that narcissists hear tones, like dogs hear whistles, you have to be really, really careful about how you say things because sometimes you’re just saying things and they’re like, oh, I don’t like how you said that, I didn’t even say anything like anything and they feel like you said something with a tone or they think you said it sarcastically or something and you didn’t say anything like that. They definitely don’t like to be told what to do, but yet they want everybody else to follow orders. They will ghost you sometimes, but yet, when you aren’t immediately available, then they will start blowing up your phone or show up at your house or your office and where were you and how come you didn’t respond right away?
It’s really not great to be in a relationship with a narcissist. The narcissist partner should always make sure that the narcissist feels special and in charge, even if it means going to extraordinary lengths. The narcissist has to feel like they’re always right. The three deadly sins of a relationship, which are abuse, addiction, and adultery, erode the fundamental integrity of a relationship and the trust factor. In a narcissistic relationship, oftentimes, you don’t even really get to express your feelings, and your feelings don’t matter. You don’t feel like you can be yourself when you are in a relationship with a narcissist, and your soul feels crushed. But that’s the only kind of relationship that works for a narcissist sometimes because they are the only one that matters sexually as well. Basically, above everything, their needs have to be number one. It’s all about them and their needs.
In summary, when negotiating with a narcissist, it can be beneficial to let them think that the settlement plan was their idea, even if it’s ultimately what you wanted. Taking your ego out of the equation is important and you should be willing to act surprised when the negotiation reaches the outcome you were aiming for. Additionally, if you’re dealing with a narcissist, it’s important to seek support and resources, such as the free private Facebook group that I have to help people “Narcissist Negotiators with Rebecca Zung” and my free “crush my negotiation prep worksheet” at winmynegotiation.com. It’s also crucial to never give in or give up in a relationship with a narcissist, as there are ways to shift the dynamic and regain control.
Remember that there is no better day than TODAY to start negotiating your best life! Believe in yourself that you can WIN this and you will keep SLAYING them no matter the situation is. They only win if you give in. So don’t you ever give up!
For more ways to shift the power dynamic against the narcissist in your life check out my free masterclass right here: http://icanslay.com