When it comes to narcissists, we know they play dirty. But when the relationship ends, that’s when their mask truly falls off—and their manipulative tactics hit an all-time high.
As a negotiation and high-conflict communication expert, I’ve helped countless people break free from toxic relationships. Today, I’m exposing the three dirtiest tactics narcissists use to end relationships. You’re not going to want to miss this.
Tactic 1: The Sudden Discard
One moment, everything seems fine. The next? Boom—they’re gone. No warning, no explanation, no closure. It’s like they vanish into thin air, leaving you in a state of shock.
This sudden discard is designed to destabilize you. It’s not about you—it’s a reflection of their need for control. They thrive on your confusion, using it to feel powerful. They don’t want closure because that means dealing with emotions, and that’s something they avoid at all costs.
How to Handle It:
- Recognize it for what it is: a power move.
- Don’t seek closure or answers—they’ll only use it to manipulate you further.
- Surround yourself with supportive people who remind you of your worth.
Tactic 2: The Smear Campaign
If disappearing wasn’t enough, narcissists often escalate by launching a smear campaign. They spread lies, rumors, and half-truths, painting you as the villain while casting themselves as the victim.
They’ll use social media, mutual friends, and even family to spread their narrative. It’s painful, especially when people you care about buy into their lies. But remember, this is just another way for them to protect their fragile ego and maintain control.
How to Handle It:
- Don’t Engage. Trying to defend yourself only fuels their fire.
- Document everything—messages, social media posts, or any false claims. This can be crucial if you need legal recourse.
- Focus on self-care and lean on your real support network. Your true friends will see through the lies.
Tactic 3: Hoovering
Just when you’re starting to heal, they come back. This tactic, aptly named after the vacuum cleaner, is their way of sucking you back into their toxic orbit.
They might apologize, promise to change, or even claim they’re in crisis and need your help. But make no mistake—this isn’t about love or regret. It’s about control. They can’t stand to lose their grip on you.
How to Handle It:
- Recognize hoovering for what it is: manipulation.
- Set firm boundaries. Block their number, ignore their messages, and don’t engage.
- Remind yourself of why you left. You’ve seen this movie before, and the sequel isn’t any better.
You’re Stronger Than They Want You to Believe
Narcissists want you to feel powerless, but here’s the truth: You are stronger than they are. They fear your strength, which is why they work so hard to break it down.
You have the power to protect yourself and rebuild. By understanding their tactics and refusing to engage, you can rise above their games and thrive.
Resources to Help You Break Free
If you’re dealing with a narcissist, you don’t have to do it alone.
- Download my free Crush My Negotiation Prep Playbook at winmynegotiation.com for powerful strategies to stay ahead.
- Join my private Facebook group, Narcissist Negotiators with Rebecca Zung, for support from a community of people who’ve been where you are.
And remember, every day is an opportunity to start negotiating your best life. You’ve got the strength to not just survive—but thrive.
Want More? Next time let’s delve in to this topic: “When the Narcissist Realizes They Can’t Replace You.” It’s packed with insights to help you understand what happens when they lose their grip—and why it’s your ultimate power move.
Stay strong. Stay empowered. And keep slaying those bullies.
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