- “That sounds too good to be true.”
- “I’ve heard that promise before.”
- “That promise would be impossible to keep.”
- “I don’t believe you.” (Or, “I will believe you when I see how you act.”)
- “This feels like love bombing.”
- “I don’t trust words anymore; I trust actions.”
- “I feel pressure to ______. Did you mean for me to feel that way?”
(Pixabay / JUrban)
An outpouring of devotion, especially early in a relationship or after relationship conflict, can be the start of something wonderful. What could be wrong with your partner laying it on thick, so to speak? Isn’t this part of a great relationship?
Love bombing refers to loving words, actions, and behaviors used as manipulation. Offering loving attention and affection to attempt to influence another person is known as love bombing.
A narcissist love-bombs to gain your trust, but once the bombing raid has ended, the affectionate behavior dries up. The love bomber might become irritable, dominant, or boundary-less, and expect you to absorb the abuse. It’s as if the love bomber thinks their poor behavior should be excused, because, man, that love bombing was good.
Love bombing is not constant. When it’s on, it’s on, and it’s great. But when the love bombing ends, it’s awfully quiet.
The love bomber may or may not believe their own professions of devotion and commitment in the moment of love bombing. The love bomber’s sincerity does not determine whether love bombing is taking place or not.
Love bombing describes an imbalanced relationship in which one person love-bombs and the other partner is the recipient of the love bombing. Love bombing is not part of an equal partnership. Equal partners are both invested, each carrying responsibility to build and fortify a lasting relationship by expressing love in meaningful and personal ways.
Love bombing often involves the love bomber pressuring the recipient for rapid commitment. At the beginning of a relationship, the love bomber might have pressured you for an exclusive dating relationship or sexual favors sooner than you might have otherwise wished. In an existing relationship, the love bomber might be pressuring you to excuse their poor behavior sooner than they’ve demonstrated any improvements.
It can be discouraging to realize that you have allowed love bombing to cloud your judgment. As you learn about love bombing, your ability to spot it will improve. At first, you might not notice love bombing until after the encounter. Gradually, your awareness will grow until you are identifying love bombing even as it’s happening. Then what?
Then it’s time to truth bomb the love bomber.
Truth bomb:
- (noun) A fact spoken in clear, easy-to-understand terms and without bias.
- (noun) A fact or piece of knowledge that, when told to a listener, is devastating to the listener’s argument or world view.
Tupac dropped truth bombs on the American people, letting them know what it’s like to live in the ‘hood. source
For your convenience, here are the 7 truth bombs again:
- “That sounds too good to be true.”
- “I’ve heard that promise before.”
- “That promise would be impossible to keep.”
- “I don’t believe you.”
- “This feels like love bombing.”
- “I don’t trust words anymore; I trust actions.”
- “I feel pressure to ________.”
Whether you drop these truth bombs inside your own head or out loud, it doesn’t matter. The truth bombs are for you, not your partner. Truth bombs won’t cause your narcissist partner to change, but they will help you stay clear about what’s happening.
If you are in a relationship in which love bombing has become a toxic pattern, try one of these seven protective truth bombs. Pick out one phrase that suits you. Commit it to memory. Visualize yourself dropping the truth bomb on your partner with a calm voice and a relaxed jaw. Or, imagine dropping an inner truth bomb inside your own head while being love bombed. Often truth bombs are most effective when detonated silently inside your own mind.
We’ll end this article with some examples.
Love bomber: “I will never disappoint you again, I promise. From now on, everything will be different.”
Truth bomber: “That sounds too good to be true.”
Love bomber with a history of lashing out at you in anger: “You’re so special to me. You know I didn’t mean what I said. I wasn’t myself. I won’t take it out on you again.”
Truth bomber: “I’ve heard that promise before.”
Love bomber, when faced with the latest incident of not keeping his/her word: “It wasn’t my fault because…(offers excuse). You can rely on me. I won’t ever let you down again.”
Truth bomber: “That promise would be impossible to keep.”
Love bomber, when caught (again) in a lie: “I won’t ever do that again.”
Truth bomber: “I will believe you when I see how you act.”
Love bomber, trying to avoid taking responsibility for a problem: “You mean everything to me. We’re soulmates, remember? I don’t know what I’d ever do without you in my life. I need you.”
Truth bomber: “This feels like love bombing.”
Love bomber with a habit of unexplained absences: “I will always let you know before I go anywhere. You will always know exactly where I am.”
Truth bomber: “I don’t trust words anymore; I trust actions.”
Love bomber, after treating you with irritability and disdain at dinner, now getting ready for bed: “You look beautiful. You always look beautiful to me. How did I get so lucky?”
Truth bomber: “I feel pressure to pretend your comments at dinner never happened. Did you mean for me to feel that way?”
Good luck truth bombing the love bomber in your life. Of all the phrases to disarm a narcissist, truth bombs might be the best. Let the truth prevail.