By Rebecca Zung, Esq.
How to Develop a Winning Mindset When Negotiating with a Narcissist?
Are you preparing to negotiate with a narcissist but struggling to cultivate a winning mindset? You’re not alone. Many people facing high-conflict personalities feel overwhelmed, beaten down, and powerless. But here’s the good news: “you can develop the tools and mindset to negotiate successfully—and reclaim your power.”
In a recent conversation on “Negotiate Your Best Life”, I sat down with “Mark Raffan”, founder of “Negotiations Ninja” to discuss strategies for building a winning mindset and how to use power and leverage effectively—especially when dealing with a narcissist. This article distills key takeaways from that interview to help you feel empowered, prepared, and ready to succeed.
- Believe You Can Win
Mindset is not just important—it’s essential. Mark Raffan referenced one of my favorite quotes by Henry Ford: *“Whether you believe you can or cannot, you are correct.”* The first step to winning is believing you can.
When facing a narcissist, it’s easy to feel like you have no power. Years of manipulation and gaslighting can make you doubt yourself. But here’s the truth: “those feelings, while real, don’t reflect reality.” You’ve been conditioned to believe you’re powerless—but that conditioning can be undone.
Recognizing that power and leverage are not inherently bad is a key shift. These are “tools”—and just because they were used against you doesn’t mean you can’t use them now to your advantage.
- Separate Emotion from Decision-Making
Narcissists thrive on emotional manipulation, using tactics like coercive threats or reward-based control. Statements like “You’ll never see the kids again” or “You’ll end up with nothing” are designed to trigger fear. But as I often tell clients, these threats are usually empty. A lawyer can quickly identify the difference between valid concerns and fear-mongering. As Mark explains, “emotional responses can cloud your judgment”, preventing you from making rational decisions. It’s critical to recognize when your body is in “fight, flight, or freeze” mode and resist the urge to react impulsively. Evolution has hardwired us to respond to stress, but with awareness, you can pause, breathe, and make decisions based on logic—not fear.
- Preparation Is Key
While mindset is essential, “preparation is equally important”. In both personal and corporate negotiations, preparation can make or break the outcome. Start by “documenting everything”.
When working with a lawyer, you have access to legal expertise—but “you hold the information.” Your lawyer can’t read your mind, so it’s up to you to organize the relevant details and present them effectively.
Mark emphasized that “better preparation leads to better outcomes.” Gather your supporting evidence, know your goals, and develop a strategy. A well-prepared plan ensures that you remain clear-headed, even when the narcissist tries to derail the conversation.
- Recognize Manipulation for What It Is
One of the most powerful things you can do is “identify the narcissist’s tactics.” Manipulators use coercive power to keep you feeling small and in check. But once you recognize these strategies, their influence starts to weaken.
A helpful reminder: many of the threats narcissists make are baseless. As Mark pointed out, most of these statements are meant to cause anxiety and keep you in submission. “Don’t let fear control your decisions.” Instead, consult with experts—whether legal professionals, coaches, or therapists—to ground yourself in facts.
- Get the Right Support
You don’t have to face these challenges alone. Whether it’s a lawyer, negotiation coach, or community, “having support is essential”. As Mark said, “It’s okay to not know everything, but it’s not okay to avoid getting the help you need.”*
Tools to Get You Started: If you’re negotiating with a narcissist, having the right resources will help you feel more confident and prepared. Be sure to grab my free “Crush My Negotiation Prep Worksheet” to organize your strategy and enter the conversation from a position of strength. You can download it here: (https://winmynegotiation.com).
For additional support, join my private Facebook group, “Narcissist Negotiators with Rebecca Zung.” It’s a safe space to connect with others facing similar challenges, share experiences, and get advice.
Final Thoughts: Negotiating with a narcissist is never easy, but you have more power than you realize. It starts with shifting your mindset—knowing that you can win—and following it up with preparation and support.
Don’t let fear or emotional manipulation dictate your future. Take back your power and start negotiating your best life today.
If you found this article helpful, please share it with someone who could use these insights! And don’t forget to subscribe to my channel for part two of my conversation with Mark Raffan. Until then, remember: Today is the perfect day to start negotiating your best life.
*Rebecca Zung*
Top 1% Attorney & Bestselling Author
*Negotiate Like You Matter* | *Breaking Free: A Step-by-Step Divorce Guide* Together, we can transform our lives and thrive. They only win if you give in. Until next time, I’m Rebecca Zung, and I’ll see you in the next article. Remember, today is a great day to start negotiating your best life.
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