When it comes to divorce, dealing with a narcissist is like navigating the eighth concentric circle of hell. Divorce is already tough, but throw a narcissist into the mix, and it’s a whole new ballgame. But here’s the good news: with the right strategies, tools, and mindset, you can protect yourself, keep control, and come out on top. Let’s break down some of the dirtiest divorce tricks narcissists play – and how you can avoid falling for them.
One of the first tricks up their sleeve? Draining you financially. Narcissists know that money is power, and they’ll use every opportunity to wield it. If they have the upper hand financially, they might cut you off entirely, or if you’re the one with the assets, they’ll make it their mission to drain you. Financial manipulation is their way of maintaining control. They refuse to disclose assets, delay proceedings, and file endless motions that rack up legal fees. The best way to counter this? Document every financial interaction, every request, and every single detail. Meticulous records are your armor. Work closely with your attorney, and if needed, bring in a forensic accountant. File motions for any behavior that violates the law, and remember: the more you document, the less room they have to play games.
Trick number two is all about weaponizing the children. Narcissists will claim that the kids are their top priority, but often, that’s far from the truth. For them, children are just another pawn in their game. They may try to turn the kids against you, make false claims about your parenting, or use custody arrangements as bargaining chips. To protect yourself, document all communications about the children. Using a court-approved communication app for co-parenting can make a world of difference. Apps like these keep a record of all your written communication in one place, making it accessible to attorneys, judges, or any other necessary parties. It’s all about having proof and maintaining a clear, documented record of everything.
Another classic narcissist move is spreading false information about you. Narcissists love to tell anyone who will listen that you’re the villain in the story. This tactic can be especially hurtful because it goes beyond just you and the narcissist—it reaches your family, friends, and even your kids. They do this to isolate you and tarnish your reputation. But here’s the deal: don’t get involved in their smear campaign. Running around defending yourself to everyone is exhausting and unnecessary. Instead, let your behavior and character speak for themselves. Document any instances of slander or defamation; it may come in handy if this becomes relevant in court. People who truly know you will see through the lies over time. Your calm and collected demeanor will frustrate them more than any counter-slander ever could.
Stonewalling and delaying the divorce process are also high on a narcissist’s list of dirty tricks. They’ll refuse to cooperate, delay responses, or send only partial documentation (like “forgetting” one page of a bank statement). Their goal is to drag things out as long as possible, keeping you emotionally and financially drained. Even if they claim they want a quick resolution, their actions say otherwise. Stay patient, keep your lawyer informed, and make sure your legal team understands the narcissist’s tactics. You want an ally who won’t waste time with back-and-forth settlement letters because narcissists rarely settle in good faith. Having a clear strategy with your attorney can help avoid unnecessary delays.
Finally, let’s talk about their ultimate performance: playing the victim. Narcissists love an audience, and in courtrooms or mediation rooms, they’ll act like the wronged party. They twist stories, paint themselves as innocent, and may even try to make you look like the aggressor. This tactic can be particularly maddening, but the best way to combat it is with solid evidence. Stick to the facts, present your documentation, and avoid getting emotional. Judges are trained to see past dramatic performances, and your calm, factual approach will stand out. The more composed you remain, the less credible their victim act will be.
If you’ve seen any of these dirty tricks firsthand, know that you’re not alone. Narcissists are masters of manipulation, but with the right approach, you can keep control and protect your peace. Don’t waste your energy trying to fight every false claim or defend every rumor. Focus on documenting, staying calm, and leaning on a support network that understands what you’re going through. This journey can be isolating, but there are people who get it.
For anyone currently navigating a similar path, grab my Crush My Negotiation Prep Playbook here. It’s free and packed with tools to help you stay organized and prepared for whatever a narcissist throws your way. Share this article with anyone who might need it – together, we can arm ourselves with knowledge and resilience to face these challenges head-on. Remember, you are stronger than you think, and with the right tools, you can come out of this with your dignity, peace, and strength intact.
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