Let’s talk about the six things that narcissists do when you try to go which I highly recommend that you do. And I’ve had to do it myself with a couple of narcissists. It’s never fun, it’s never great. They try to make it almost impossible. They try to make it so that you really don’t want to do that. But you definitely do have to do that because they will eventually take over your soul.
Literally I describe it as like pods. I know there was some movie, I don’t know if it was in the ’60s or something like a long time ago where these pods came and sat down next to people and took all of their information and basically took over their bodies. And that’s how I feel about narcissists like they’re these pods that just come into your life and steal you and you end up feeling like you’re like being choked to death or, I don’t know, my situation where I talked a lot about this, by the way in a couple of recent videos, one was my toxic relationships and the other one was, I don’t normally share this, my own story of bullying. In my situation, I felt like one of the narcissists was literally trying to become me, stand in my shoes and be me. And, but also was devaluing me and doing things to me at the same time.
It was extremely strange and incredibly unpleasant. As a result, you begin to experience those emotions, right? Therefore, in order to minimize the intensity, it becomes necessary to establish no contact. I don’t believe it’s an exaggeration to say that’s how I felt. However, it’s natural to wonder about the potential outcomes when taking such a step. Let’s now delve into that discussion.
The initial response they may have is to attempt to revert to what had previously worked for them. It’s important to remember that there are three distinct ways in which they engage in relationships, and each phase has its own characteristics. By the way, I have videos dedicated to explaining each of these phases if you’re interested in exploring them further.
They typically begin with love bombing or the idealization phase, where they present themselves as perfect, not limited to just romantic scenarios but also applicable to business situations, as was the case for me. They enter your space and appear flawless. However, they then proceed to devalue you, and this cycle continues with back-and-forth transitions between phases, including the discard phase.
In their attempt to regain your attention, they will resort to what had previously worked, saying things like, “We’ve always been able to work things out,” or “We’ve always been a great team.” They may question why you’re being rigid or difficult, hoping to charm you once again. They’ll try to recreate the charm they had used before. Sometimes, this behavior is referred to as hovering, where they suddenly reappear after a period of no contact, saying something like, “I haven’t spoken to you in a while.”
Ultimately, their aim is to charm you once again, using whatever tactics had been effective in the past. That’s the first point to consider.
The next thing is that they might intensify their efforts even further. It’s as if you can hardly catch your breath when they’re around. Suddenly, they start showing up at your house or appearing at your workplace. They seem to be engaging with everyone you know, making it nearly impossible to escape their presence. They may persistently call or incessantly send text messages. Moreover, they will amplify their negative behaviors such as manipulating situations, projecting their faults onto others, denying responsibility, deflecting blame, and lying. These behaviors, which are already typical of narcissists, now become magnified. It’s important to remember that narcissists have a black-and-white mindset—they see others as either being for them or against them. This mindset contributes to their escalated tactics. You will likely notice a significant increase in their forcefulness and persistence.
The third action they are likely to take when you establish no contact is the initiation of a smear campaign, which typically occurs during the discard phase. They will escalate their efforts in triangulation, meaning they will enlist the support of others, often referred to as “flying monkeys.” They will strategically communicate with people you know, aiming to make you feel excluded, isolated, and punished for cutting off contact. Their objective is to make you believe that they are thriving while you have made a grave mistake by severing ties with them. They will attempt to rally everyone in your social circle against you, creating an atmosphere where everyone aligns with them.
Their tactics may involve portraying you as the unstable or malicious party, or even insinuating that you are the narcissist. They will use these tactics to divide and conquer, isolating you, manipulating situations, engaging in triangulation, and launching the smear campaign. All of these actions contribute to the third point, involving triangulation, smear campaigns, and the mobilization of flying monkeys against you. If any of you have witnessed or experienced this phenomenon, please share your experiences, as I’m certain many of you have encountered it before.
Now, let’s discuss the fourth aspect. Triggering their narcissistic injury can lead to the eruption of narcissistic rage. At this point, their actions go beyond mere attempts at hoovering, pushing you further, triangulating, or escalating. They enter a state of full-blown rage, demanding that you comply with their desires, return to them, and face punishment. This rage serves not only to express their anger but also to instill fear and ensure your compliance. It’s important to note that their behavior during this phase resembles that of a two-year-old throwing a tantrum in an adult’s body.
Interestingly, this rage phase often marks the beginning of their undoing. They become more prone to making mistakes as they lose control. In a negotiation context, it signifies that your tactics are starting to take effect. It’s crucial to stay strong during this vulnerable period when you may question whether you can handle the situation. Remember, narcissists tend to be at their worst right before they are ready to give up.
This brings us to the fifth point, wherein there are instances when narcissists experience a complete collapse and become utterly undone. Their fragile sense of self and the perception of the world as a survival arena contribute to this vulnerability. They may struggle to make sense of their reality during such moments of collapse.
Lastly, with the right approach, strategy, leverage, and the ability to sever all sources of supply from you, there is the potential for eventual success. As you assert yourself, refusing to be intimidated or scared, your fear diminishes. Eventually, the narcissist realizes that they can no longer extract any form of supply from you. They operate like vultures, seeking out sources of nourishment. Once they realize there is no longer anything to gain from you, they move on to other targets, recognizing that there is nothing left to exploit in this metaphorical carcass.
Therefore, we arrive at the sixth point, which is crucial to understand: narcissists inherently crave and depend on narcissistic supply. It serves as their life force and sustenance, akin to oxygen for them. To ensure your success, it is vital to ensure that you are no longer a source of this narcissistic supply for them. With time, your implementation of no contact will undoubtedly prove effective.
If you desire to gain an advantage over them and learn how to negotiate with a narcissist, I recommend accessing my complimentary “Crush My Negotiation Prep” worksheet. Additionally, I invite you to join my free private Facebook group, “Narcissist Negotiators with Rebecca Zung.” These resources will provide valuable insights and support on navigating negotiations with narcissists. I would love to see you in there as well.
Remember that there is no better day than TODAY to start negotiating your best life! Apply these suggestions as you deal with a narcissist on court so you can keep SLAYING them. They only win if you give in. So don’t you ever give up!
For more ways to shift the power dynamic against the narcissist in your life check out my free masterclass right here: http://icanslay.com