We all know that narcissists manipulate, but here are six manipulation tactics that they use that you might not be familiar with. I want to highlight 6 of these tactics so that when they try to pull this type of stunt on you, you will be able to spot it and shoot them down before it even happens.
Number one. One of the little-known manipulation tactics narcissists uses is what I call a “Fauxpology”. It looks and sounds like an apology, but it’s not. They’re saying the words we all use when we apologize, but narcissists use them to get you back into their web of lies and control. Now, they don’t mean this fauxpology at all because it’s just a means to an end for them. Remember, everything they do is a form of manipulation. When they love-bomb you, when they apologize, when they’re nice or not nice to you, it is manipulation. That’s number one.
Number two is when they ghost or discard you completely. During the love-bombing phase, narcissists are quite vocal about how much they love you, even in a business setting, and will strike up a conversation with you whenever and wherever they can. During this phase, they will make you feel important and special to them. They’ll show you affection too. They do this so you’ll crave their approval, their attention, and affection. They’re slowly turning themselves into a drug that you can’t live without. Then suddenly, without a hint, you won’t hear from them and you’re wondering if you did or said something wrong. When this happens, now you’re in the discard phase, and this can be brutal since victims will manifest withdrawal-like symptoms. This is another one of their manipulation strategies.
Number three of the little-known manipulation tactics that narcissists use is called “Guilt Tripping”. This is when narcissists will act and say things like “I wish you could have come. It’s sad that you couldn’t make it.” Now, that doesn’t necessarily seem like a manipulation tactic on the surface especially if it’s coming from a family member or someone dear to you. Unfortunately, this can be used against you even by them. This is especially true when they know that you’re in a caught-between-a-rock-and-a-hard-place kind of situation, but they’ll guilt trip you into it anyway, just to get their way. When that happens, it then becomes a narcissistic manipulation tactic.
Flattery comes in at number four. They will use these excessive compliments to get you to do something for them and say things like “You’re wonderful at this. You’re the best at what you do.” Narcissists can and will use this to have you do something that might endanger you or put you in a toxic situation. I’ve seen them use this on their victims and combine it with guilt-tripping. It’s a truly vicious tactic. Now, flattery in and of itself is not necessarily bad. Who doesn’t like to get compliments from time to time, right? It becomes bad though once it’s weaponized and used to manipulate someone into doing something which compromises them.
Number five is when a narcissist would change the subject of the conversation to evade accountability. Imagine saying to the narcissist that you wanted to talk about some text messages you saw. Just the mere act of asking about it will trigger an attack response from them even if your voice and demeanor were totally calm. They will be combative and question your motives for bringing it up and just to evade talking about it. They will accuse you of blowing things out of proportion, say that you’re out of control, say that you are acting all rabid, and even say that you are acting violent towards them. Because they continuously move the subject to avoid accountability, it’s like you can never get past it and get to really talk about the subject at hand. It’s really a form of gaslighting.
Lastly, number six is when narcissists go nuclear. Out of nowhere, they go from zero to a hundred and you’re flabbergasted because you just don’t understand what’s going on. This manipulation tactic is used to shift your attention away from the things that truly matter and control your perspective. It’s like what magicians do, it’s your old sleight of hand. They’ll draw your focus to their right hand when the trick is being done with the left.
Here are some ways to shut stop the manipulation. First, create super strong boundaries. Have one form of communication. I recommendation email because it is the least likely to be manipulated. Second, create a support system. Only have people around you that you can trust and who will lift you up. Third, start a daily self-care routine. Even just taking five deep breaths once an hour will make a huge difference in your life and how you feel. Fourth, start educating yourself on how to negotiate powerfully against narcissists. You will need every ounce of strength and information you can get your hands on.
For more ways to shift the power dynamic against the narcissist in your life check out my free masterclass right here www.icanslay.com.