Dealing with a covert narcissist is bad enough, but when they are hiding their habits from you, it is so much more disgusting and horrible. I’ve had to deal with a covert narcissist myself, not just one, but two, and I’m an attorney. So, I am going to be sharing with you their hidden habits, five hidden habits of a covert narcissist in this article.
I have dealt with covert narcissists, not just in my practice and as a lawyer, but also in my personal life, they are stealth. I think they’re the worst ones, frankly, because they look all nice on the surface. Everybody thinks they are wonderful on the surface, but in reality, they are absolutely the worst ones.
Covert narcissists have hidden habits that are not immediately apparent. One of these is the stark contrast between their public and private personas. They put on a facade that appears kind and agreeable, but underneath the surface, they harbor a seething anger that is ready to erupt at any moment. Realizing this can be disorienting because everyone else seems to think they’re wonderful, but you start to sense that something is off. They’re passive-aggressive and agree to do things, but then they don’t follow through. For example, they might promise to get something from the store or call you back but fail to do so. At first, you might think it’s a mistake or that you’re overreacting, but over time, it becomes clear that their actions don’t match their words. This discrepancy between their public and private personas is a significant red flag.
The second characteristic of a covert narcissist is their expression of rage followed by a denial of anger. Their suppressed anger can be perplexing and cause you to feel like you’re losing your mind since they constantly compete and put on a façade of friendliness. This is due to their tendency to engage in plausible deniability, where they are never held accountable for their actions or words.
They may intentionally pit people against each other or make passive-aggressive comments such as “You look great now that you’ve lost weight, but too bad about the stretch marks.” Additionally, they may withhold information and later claim it was a simple oversight. Although these actions may seem minor, they accumulate over time, and when you try to confront them, the covert narcissist will dismiss it as an accident. However, this behavior persists and escalates over time.
Covert narcissists exhibit the third behavior by disguising criticism as concern. They express worry over someone’s behavior, such as Tim’s drinking, in a custody situation, even if there’s no indication of alcoholism. Later during divorce proceedings, they may use this expressed concern to sway testimony, claiming they were worried for the children’s well-being. This tactic enables them to convey their criticism without appearing harsh.
If you have encountered such behavior, please leave a “so true” comment and share other hidden habits you have observed in covert narcissists.
Fourthly, when covert narcissists face criticism, they frequently adopt the role of the victim. For instance, when asked about missing money or unfulfilled promises, they may overreact emotionally by crying or accusing you of questioning their integrity. They redirect the attention to themselves and present themselves as the victim. This is a typical behavior of covert narcissists, who are experts in playing the victim and manipulating others to believe that they are the ones being wronged.
Then, number five; of course, because they are narcissists, they have a lack of empathy because narcissists are narcissists. So, of course, they don’t have empathy, just like all narcissists don’t. They use their guilt and shame to control others. The coverts are usually always playing the victim. So, they try to make other people feel guilty. ‘I can’t believe you would do this to me. It must be nice for you to have what you have. I never had it like that. I never got anybody to do things, or, oh, that’s really great for you. Congratulations that you get to do that. I’ll just sit over here. Nobody ever appreciates me. Nobody ever acknowledges all the things that I do for everybody.’ So, they do things like that. That’s the kinds of things that a covert narcissist will say. So, they’ll do things for people, but then they expect a lot in return and they have a lack of empathy for others and for what others are doing for them. So, those are the kinds of hidden habits that you guys might see in covert narcissists. It’s really difficult to be in a relationship with a covert narcissist. They will drive you into the ground. They will suck the life out of you. They will suck your soul dry. I have been there. I have so been there and it is absolutely painful, ruthless, and you will be up at night and feeling so drained. There’s no doubt about it.
One thing I want you to do, if you are dealing with a covert narcissist for sure, is join my free private Facebook group, which that will help you in dealing with them. If you need therapy, by the way, we do have a sponsor on this channel, which is BetterHelp. If you don’t have access to your own therapist, you can get access there, which is betterhelp.com/rebeccazung. We receive commissions if you use them. It does not cost you any extra at all. We just want you to have access to the help and support that you need.
Remember that there is no better day than TODAY to start negotiating your best life! Apply these 6 ways in any situation you are in right now if you’re dealing with a narcissist and you will keep SLAYING them. They only win if you give in. So don’t you ever give up!
For more ways to shift the power dynamic against the narcissist in your life check out my free masterclass right here: http://icanslay.com