Hello, everyone! Welcome back! I’m Rebecca Zung, a globally recognized negotiation and high-conflict communication expert, as well as the author of Slay the Bully: How to Negotiate with a Narcissist and Win. If you’re new here, make sure to hit subscribe so you never miss out on my strategies for dealing with high-conflict personalities. And for those returning, welcome back—I’m so glad you’re here! Today, we’re diving into something truly disturbing: malignant narcissists.
Malignant narcissists are in a league of their own. They aren’t just self-centered; they’re dangerous, manipulative, and downright cruel. If you’re trying to negotiate, litigate, or even communicate with one, buckle up—it’s an entirely different ball game. Not all narcissists are the same, and malignant narcissists take toxic behavior to another level. If you’re dealing with someone like this, it’s crucial to know the warning signs.
Let’s get into the five major signs that reveal you’re dealing with a malignant narcissist—and stay tuned because at the end, I’ll share some tips on how to protect yourself and start winning!
- They Enjoy Watching Others Suffer
One of the most disturbing traits of a malignant narcissist is that they take genuine pleasure in others’ suffering. Unlike typical narcissists who crave admiration and control, malignant narcissists actually enjoy seeing others in pain. They want to win and want you to lose—and they get a thrill out of it. This sadistic trait can show up in various ways, like gloating over your mistakes or actively sabotaging you. They might try to ruin your job or even make wild, baseless accusations. If you’re dealing with someone who seems to love making you miserable, this is a huge red flag.
- Pathological Lying
Malignant narcissists lie compulsively and pathologically. They lie to look good, yes, but they also lie specifically to cause harm. They don’t just twist the truth; they completely fabricate stories, spread rumors, and manipulate facts to destabilize and control you. They’re skilled at creating confusion, denying things they’ve said, twisting facts, and even making up new lies to cover up old ones. If you find yourself questioning reality after a conversation with them, you’re dealing with someone far more dangerous than a garden-variety narcissist.
- Exploiting Your Vulnerabilities
A malignant narcissist studies you closely, identifying your fears, insecurities, and weaknesses, which they later use to manipulate you. They know exactly what buttons to push to make you feel small, ashamed, or guilty. It’s a form of emotional and psychological warfare, meant to keep you feeling under their control. They go out of their way to use your personal struggles and past mistakes against you, making you feel worthless, unworthy of respect, and isolated.
- Malicious Smear Campaigns
Malignant narcissists won’t just spread a few rumors—they’ll go all out to destroy your reputation, even to their own detriment. Whether it’s turning friends, colleagues, or family against you, they’ll manipulate, twist facts, and outright lie. Smear campaigns serve two purposes: isolating you from your support system and reinforcing their control over you. If someone’s gone out of their way to alienate you from those who care about you, it’s likely they’re trying to control and manipulate you through isolation.
- A Dangerous Desire for Revenge
Malignant narcissists don’t just hold grudges—they seek to destroy anyone who crosses them. Their desire for revenge is relentless. They’ll go to great lengths to “get even,” whether that means sabotaging your career, spreading lies, or even stalking or threatening physical harm. This revenge isn’t about feeling justified; it’s a way to intimidate and dominate you. If you stand up to them, be prepared for them to escalate—malignant narcissists want to “win” at all costs.
How to Deal with a Malignant Narcissist
If you recognize these behaviors in someone, you’re dealing with a malignant narcissist. Here are some powerful tips to help you protect yourself and take back control:
- Set and Enforce Boundaries: Think of it as an invisible shield around you. Keep your boundaries clear and consistent; it’s essential to “observe, don’t absorb.” Even if they try to push past them, keep them firm.
- Document Everything: Malignant narcissists leave a trail of lies and manipulations. Keep records of all interactions, as this documentation will be invaluable if you ever need to expose their lies.
- Limit Contact: Aim for brief, businesslike communication, and where possible, use communication methods that leave a paper trail, like email. Limit the interaction to avoid further manipulation.
- Get Support: Don’t face this alone. Join a support group, seek out a therapist, or find a community that understands. My High Conflict Negotiation Certification program offers an incredible support network.
- Stay Focused on Your Goals: Part of my SLAY methodology is having a clear vision of where you’re going. Use that focus to stay centered and avoid getting derailed by their manipulations.
Dealing with a malignant narcissist can feel overwhelming, but remember: you are stronger than you might feel right now. Recognizing these signs is the first step in taking back control. With the right tools, you can protect yourself and start to win in ways you never thought possible.
If you’ve encountered any of these behaviors, let me know in the comments. And if you want more empowering phrases to disarm a narcissist, head to disarmthenarc.com for my free guide with powerful language to regain control. Remember, today’s a great day to start negotiating your best life!
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